Jokes: Little Johnny

Over 450 of the infamous 'Little Johnny' jokes. ***Strongest possible warning,  These jokes are rude, dirty, contain swearing and will offend most people***


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*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups.  Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

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Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"The Teacher said to little Johnny, "use harassment in a sentence."
Little Johnny said, " Her mouth said no, but her ass meant yes.""

"During class little Johnny kept swearing, everything was f**k this and f**k that. Teacher "Johnny, that is not a word a ten year old should be using"
Johnny "there are worse words than that miss, like murder and death"
Teacher "No Johnny, the word you keep saying is much, much worse than murder and death"
Johnny "I disagree miss, I bet you would rather be f****d than killed""

"One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died.  The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died.  He told his daddy, "Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died.  His dad said, "that's just a coincidence."  The next morning he tells his dad, "I had a dream that my dad died."  His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn't eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck.  When he finally got home, Little Johnny's mom asks him how his day at work was.  "Much more horrible than your day I'm sure," his dad replied.  "I don't know," said his mom, "The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!"

"One day there was this little boy named Johnny he had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand and asked the teacher "can I go to the bathroom." she said no.

Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom.” She said "no not with that mouth.” She said now go to the corner and say your a.b.c.'s frontwords and backwards

He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z"

Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a"

Then she said "Where is the p."

Little Johnny said "Running down my leg.""

"Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsy ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy is relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.

Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.

Johnny cries out "HANG ON TIGHT DADDY! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!""

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